If I could fly
by Tristana
Summary: If I could, I would do my best for you to accept me - everything. What could be worse for a zanpakutou than to feel rejected and feared by their shinigami? Kazeshini reflects on his 'relationship' to Shuuhei. Kazeshini POV.


**Title:** If I could fly...

**Author:** Tristana

**Disclaimer:** Honestly, despite my attempts to equal Tite Kubo's drawing, I still fail miserably… So no, I don't own Bleach. If I did, Ichigo would have a 'Property of Grimmy-kitty' written on his forehead for all to see, Byakuya would have jumped Renji's bones already and our shinigami's zanpakutou would throw parties and get drunk and… well, you get the idea…^^

**Note:** I just wanted to write this for Kazeshini and Shuuhei – I don't know, it touched me when I read/saw that Hisagi didn't like his zanpakutou's form and as we have already seen Zangetsu and Zabimaru interact with their shinigami, I thought it would be fair for Kazeshini. *hugs Kazeshini* Plus, Hisagi is an idiot: Your shikai's form kick ass!

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« I don't like this form… made to reap life itself… »

"Still, it's your zanpakutou – it's a part of you." The red-haired shinigami almost flinches under the dark glare that my master sends his way. Even so, I feel grateful that he wants to side with me – Zabimaru's master… Do they really think I can't see? In this inner world in black and white, neat and tidy, I sit and ponder…

Do you see me? I don't know. Can you hear me? Barely so. You hate me for the lives I reap – I feel it for you tighten your cold grip. Angry at yourself for having an instrument of death in your hands – would you want me to be a tool of deceit?

A servant I remain – unloved of the one of whom I crave the love. A tool, is that what I am to you? I don't mind your cold words lashing at me, for I would serve and obey your command trying to show my love of you. Is it so twisted? Am I so wrong that I wish I could fly – feel the wind in my wings of steel? Would you love me then, I would not kill if you wished it so – it is a lie. I would never let anyone hurt you.

Crawling out of my skin of steel, I rise. Your sleeping face, so serene. I wish no sorrow would touch your brow. It saddens me for the both of us – the world I live in would turn purple – like those bruise on your soul. Wind billowing and cutting, angry blades of time. This man hurt you – but you wouldn't wield me against him. I would not mind your anger if it were to protect you.

My master, can't you see? That we, zanpakutou, love our wielders – with all those particles that is our souls. Never to be complete without you – I wait and see. Hoping and craving. You would never know… I stand by you and forever will, even if it means that I have to have my wings clipped. For you, those deadly blades I would soften. But I am like you – no matter love and acceptance, duty comes first. And mine is to keep you safe. I don't mind.

My hand reaches for you… Ghosting over your cheek – over those scars, painful reminders of my inability to protect you – to your lids, I cannot stop. My heart clenches – I could have cried. I lower my head to your brow, lips almost touching your skin – so warm… I feel like you see me – I am scared. I would not bear you to reject me – please, don't wake up.

I would change my own nature for you – but my nature is what brought us together, and I would let this go for nothing in the world. Never.

_I love you, Hisagi Shuuhei._

My lips touch yours – brief moment in which your eyes flash open, obsidian pools. I wish you never remember, as I vanish to your inner world – whence I'm sure a storm would wreck havoc. But nothing comes. I wonder why. There is always a storm unleashing when you are angry. As I stare into the tidy world I live in, I feel an unseen sun washing over my face – and I feel them.

Those words I would have died to hear from you…

_I would never hate you, Kazeshini. _

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Actually, I wrote this while listening to the song of Helloween called "If I could fly"... It somehow reminded me of something that Kazeshini would say... I know it's random...

Also, as it is my first Bleach fanfic, I would like to hear your opinion - I so love this serie that I would hate myself for not being able to portrait the characters correctly. *hangs head*


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